


Count My Sins

by AngelsonBenders



Series: Static [2]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Depression, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-16
Updated: 2015-09-16
Packaged: 2018-04-21 02:17:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4811150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelsonBenders/pseuds/AngelsonBenders
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Ryan found Michael hurting himself, it's time to tell the others.</p>
<p>Takes place directly after Wrap Me Up</p>
            </blockquote>





	Count My Sins

Michael Jones had been in plenty of uncomfortable situations.

Like the time Burnie had walked into the Achievement Hunter office late one night and caught him and Ray sucking each others dicks on the couch.

Being dragged into his CEO’s office along with the rest of his boyfriends and having to look Burnie and Matt in the eyes as a ‘no blowjobs in the office’ rule was officially established was the most uncomfortable thing Michael ever thought he would have to endure. Until today.

After Michael had calmed down enough to move after Ryan had walked in on him cutting in the bathroom, he was ushered downstairs by five pairs of anxious hands and pushed down into the big, squishy armchair in the corner. He crossed his legs and curled in on himself, ignoring the way the movement made his cuts sting under the bandages.

“What’s the matter? What the hell happened?” Geoff crouched in front of him and ran his hands over Michael’s shoulders, almost as if he was checking for injuries. Michael almost cracked a smile at the irony.

Ryan walked over to stand beside him and clapped a strong hand on his shoulder, squeezing slightly. Michael, grateful for the anchor, leaned into Ryan’s side as Geoff stood back up, crossing his arms and waiting for an answer.

After a moment of silence, Ryan glanced down at Michael. “Do you want to tell them? Or should I?”

Michael’s stomach tied itself in knots and his throat threatened to close on him. He didn’t trust himself to even open his mouth to answer so he just nuzzled his forehead into Ryan’s side, hoping he would take the hint.

“Ok, well, this is hard to explain, but Michael has… a problem.”

Jack couldn’t help but interrupt “Problem? Is he ok? Does he need to go to the hospital? What’s the matter?” He went to put a hand on Michael's forehead but was blocked by Ryan, who gently pulled him back to allow Michael enough breathing room.

“No, no hospitals, nothing like that. It’s just…” Ryan took a deep breath as if the words pained him. "Michael's been hurting himself. I found him cutting his legs in the bathroom."

Michael swore he could feel the words punch him in the gut and he hid his eyes in Ryan's shirt. After a long moment of silence he lifted his head from Ryan's side just enough to see his other boyfriends’ faces.

Geoff looked... broken. His eyes were wide and his mouth hung open slightly, like he couldn't comprehend what happened. Jack had a hand on his shoulder, although whether it was to comfort Geoff or keep himself from falling over Michael didn’t know. Jack looked just as surprised as Geoff, but with more heartbroken overtones.

Gavin had collapsed onto the couch behind him, and Ray perched on the armrest. Michael could see that they were shocked, but beyond that the two were unreadable.

For a long time, no one said anything. Surprisingly enough, it was Ray who broke the silence.

“Why?”

If Ryan’s words were like a punch to the gut, then Ray’s were more like a stabbing. Michael didn't say anything, he didn’t have the words.

How do you explain the urge to maim yourself to someone who’s never felt it? How do you explain that voice that calls out for blood to someone who’s never heard it? Michael didn’t know, so he just offered a half-hearted shrug.

"That's it?!" Geoff replied, snapping out of his shocked stupor. Michael couldn’t remember ever seeing him look so angry. “You’ve been cutting yourself and you have nothing to say? Did you ever stop and think-”

“Hey, hey,” Jack interrupted, tightening his grip on Geoff’s shoulder. “I know we’re all shocked, but you need to calm down. Now, I’m going to get some beers and then we’re all going to sit down and have a nice, long talk about this, ok?” He met Michael’s eyes on the last word and Michael nodded his consent as Jack left the room. 

Geoff huffed and moved to join Ray and Gavin, pulling Ray into his lap and letting Gavin curl into his side. The silence in the room was near suffocating, no one daring to speak. Ryan reached down and started stroking Michael’s curls absentmindedly, his eyes far away.

After a few minutes that seemed to last way too long Jack emerged from the kitchen, five beers and one soda cradled expertly in his arms. After everyone had a drink in hand Jack joined the others on the couch and stared expectantly at Michael, waiting for him to start talking.

A long, awkward staring contest with the four other men on the couch ensued, no one really sure what to say. After a while Michael finally spoke for the first time all night.

“Well? What do you want me to say?” He snapped, detaching himself from Ryan to face their other boyfriends head-on.

“How about we start with how long this has been going on?” Ryan suggested, moving so that he could face Michael. “Some of those scars looked years old.”

Michael felt the back of his neck warming and he clammed up again. He knew they wouldn’t like the answer; 8 years. He’d been doing this to himself and hiding it from his boyfriends for as long as he’d known them. Would they even be dating if they had known back then? Would they still be dating tomorrow now that they knew? He’d been lying to them all this time, presenting himself as a sane person when really he was just damaged goods with no reason to be alive, why would these amazing men waste their time with such a worthless…

“Michael!”

He hadn’t noticed Geoff move until he was standing right in front of him, hands on his shoulders. He hadn't noticed he was crying until Geoff's warm thumbs brushed away a tear stuck to his cheek.

"Michael, baby, calm down, it's ok." Geoff tried to smile reassuringly but it was more of a grimace. "Just tell us everything baby, we want to help you."

Behind him, Michael saw his other boyfriends nodding in agreement.

"Ok, ok..." Michael sat up a little straighter and Geoff sat back down. "The first time I c-" he stumbled over the word, reluctant to say it out loud. "The first time I... hurt myself was 8 years ago.”

He saw everyone stiffen, but remarkably no one said a word. Michael was grateful for their self-restraint.

“Ok, so, have you ever had any treatment?” Jack asked.

Michael shook his head. 

“You’re the only people who know. I was hoping no one would find out.” He could feel the tears pricking at his eyes again but he refused to let them fall. He had already blubbered enough today, thank you.

“But why would you keep this from us?! We’re your boyfriends, Michael, we love you!” Ray almost yelled, pulling the glasses from his face to wipe at the moisture behind them. “Do you not trust us?”

“Of course I trust you! I just…”

“Just what, Michael? Just didn’t feel the need to let us know that you were bloody hurting yourself?!” It was Gavin this time, unable to stop himself from shouting.

“I just didn’t want you to know how messed up I am, ok?!” Jumping up from his seat, Michael turned away from the others searching eyes. These were the thoughts that had haunted him every day for almost a decade. These thoughts that hid in the darkest corners of his mind were having a spotlight shone on them and it hurt.

“I didn’t want you guys to know that I’m just a pathetic little cutter who doesn’t even have the balls to finish the job…”

Michael’s blood turned to ice as he realized what he had just admitted. From behind him he could hear five simultaneous gasps as they realized just how truly fucked up he was. As they realized that one of their boyfriends was suicidal.

For a long time, or at least, what felt like one to Michael, no one moved. Then he felt a pair of strong arms wrap around him from behind, pulling him into a warm chest that smelled distinctly like Ryan. One by one their other boyfriends joined in until Michael was surrounded by warmth and support and love. 

“We can start looking at treatment options tomorrow-” Jack started.

“Do we have too?” Michael groaned; talking about this with his boyfriends was awkward enough, he didn’t even want to imagine what a total stranger would be like.

“Yes, we have too.” Geoff cut in, looking into Michael’s eyes with his own slightly puffy ones. “Don’t worry baby, we’ll be with you every step of the way. We love you.”

Four other heads nodded in agreement and Michael almost started sobbing again. Genuine I-love-you’s were rare in their relationship, them being six guys and all, and Michael knew this one was special. This one was a promise.

Michael didn’t think he could take much more emotion for today. He wiggled his way out of the six-way group hug and offered his boyfriends a watery but genuine smile.

“Thanks guys. I… love you all too.” Michael wiped his eyes one last time before glancing towards the kitchen. “So uh… when’s dinner gonna be ready? I’m starving.”

Geoff grinned and clapped him on the back as he walked into the kitchen. “Should be done here soon. Hope you’re ready to have my succulent meat in your mouth.”

“Pretty sure that already happened just this morning” Ray quipped as he slipped past them, heading towards the table. The rest of the group laughed uproariously and the rest of the night passed the way a night off should, with video games, laughter, and Geoff’s cooking. And if everyone kept just a little closer than usual to Michael, well, he wasn’t going to complain.


End file.
